The more complicated answer is what I will try to explain here. It is the background story of my children, and eventually I will tell how it all relates to starting this blog.
Get comfy, it's a long story.
I gave birth to twins in the summer of 2005. I had spent the last 4 months of my pregnancy on bedrest due to complications. I had nearly lost my babies at 21 weeks, just 2 weeks after finding out the devastating news that, although my son looked healthy, my unborn daughter had a severe birth defect.
We knew that after the scheduled c-section delivery, we would get to see Cody right away. We also knew that Emma would be hurried away to the NICU to prepare to have brain surgery the next day.
Emma was born with an occipital encephalocele. During development, the back of her skull did not close all the way. This resulted in a large, spinal-fluid filled sac that was twice the size of her little head. There was also brain matter protruding out into this sac and that was the scary part. We did not know if she would even survive the surgery to remove and repair it. If she did survive, how would the damage to her brain impact the rest of her life?
The surgery went well but 12 days later, she developed hydrocephalus and had to have a shunt placed. That surgery also went well and two days later she got to come home with the rest of us.
 |
| Their first picture together in the NICU |
Besides caring for the incision sites and some minor feeding issues, it was no different than when Cody got to come home 10 days earlier. Now it was just about adjusting to life with twin infants who really wanted to be on opposite schedules.
As they grew, it became apparent that Emma had some developmental delays, but nothing insurmountable. She began physical therapy when she was 6 months old which helped with her very minor physical limitations.
She had to have a shunt revision when she was 1, and she had to have yearly CAT scans to make sure everything was still okay. Other than that, the condition she was born with never really crossed our minds that much.
I was one of those extremely lucky moms who got to stay home with her children. I worked part time in the evenings, opposite of my husband's full time day job so one of us was always with them.
When they were 4, I started working at a child care center and they were able to attend preschool there while I worked.
When it was time to register for kindergarten, I convinced my husband that they should go to the same private school that my sister and I attended growing up. It was on the complete opposite side of the city from where we lived, but we really felt that the drive would be worth it.
In August of 2011, they started kindergarten. It was a big adjustment for all of us. I was used to, at least, being in the same building with them, and they went from a 4 hour school day to an 8 hour day.
Unfortunately, Cody really had a problem adjusting. By the end of September, he had already been to principal's office on a couple of occasions. We figured that he was just testing the limits and that things would get better soon, and they did for a while.
In February of 2012, Emma's teacher asked if I could come to a meeting to discuss some of the concerns that they had about her. Earlier in the year, I had given permission for the public school district to evaluate Emma. If she qualified, she would receive public school assistance while at the private school.
The whole multi-disciplinary team was there for this meeting, and Emma would qualify for a physical therapist and an occupational therapist to come to the school to work with her every few weeks.
Things were looking up until the spring came. Cody started to get in trouble again and had more visits to the principal's office. By end of the year he was getting in trouble so often that they had asked that we have him see a child psychologist over the summer.
We did see the psychologist several times, but since Cody was not in a school setting during the summer, it was hard to gauge if there was any progress. We were hopeful that the behavior issues were behind us as we started first grade.
Cody continued to get in trouble off and on for the first few months. At parent-teacher conferences in October, the principal attended the conference I had with Cody's teacher and I agreed to get him counseling.
November began and I became more and more stressed about what was happening with my kids at school. We started seeing a counselor for Cody, but her availability was limited initially. The school asked that Emma be academically tested by the public school district because she seemed to have some memory problems and was not doing well with her spelling.
As the holidays approached, things began to spiral downward.
The night before Thanksgiving, my cub scout co-leader committed suicide. That affected me much more deeply than I thought it would. It is what would begin my crazy, emotional roller coaster that would last for the next 2 months.
The first week of December, Cody got into serious trouble and received an in-school suspension. He had been to the principal's office 7 times since the beginning of the school year. I now lived in constant fear that he would get kicked out of school or that I would be asked to medicate him.
On Monday, December 17th, I went to the school to correct papers as usual. The resource teacher asked me if I could come to the office to have a meeting about Emma. They would occasionally do this when they wanted to update me on her progress, so I didn't think it strange at all. When I got to the office, the principal, the assistant principal, Emma's homeroom teacher, her reading teacher, and the resource specialist were all there.
They began to tell me how bad her grades were. They told me that she was struggling in every subject and that it was causing her to become frustrated and aggressive. Then the resource teacher said that there was "really nothing more we can do for her" and that she would be better off somewhere where they could give her more help. Christmas break was in 4 days and they said "it would be the perfect time for a transition".
I was completely blindsided. I couldn't stop crying and when I wouldn't respond to any of them, they left the conference room saying that they would give me some time to absorb all of it.
I went back to the classroom and picked up the kids. Then we went home and I told my husband what happened. I was devastated.
By the next day, I had regrouped and was ready to get to the bottom of this. I would not let them do this to my daughter just because she had a learning disability. I knew that as a private school, they could do whatever they wanted, but I didn't care. They never officially asked us to leave, so our decision was to stay.
The next day I sent an email to all the staff members involved. I basically said thanks, but no thanks. We would not do the transition in the middle of the school year, she would finish out the year with her friends and we would make alternate arrangements for next year. I reminded them that the public school was not even done with their assessments yet, so we didn't know if she would qualify for more services or not. I told them that we would put in extra work over the break to help her catch up.
On Wednesday, the 19th, the principal called me and told me that they didn't think it was in Emma's best interest to wait. When I began to argue my case with her, she told me that I was setting my daughter up for failure. It was at that moment that I realized that I was being bullied.
Friday the 21st was the last day of school before the break. I once again sent out an email to all staff members involved. I told them that since I was not given enough time to make other arrangements, that both children would be back in class when school resumed on January 7th and that we could discuss things further at that time.
After dropping them off for the first day back, I was nervous that I would get a phone call asking me to come get her. I did not get a phone call, in fact, I got no response from the school at all.
After only a week back, it became clear that they were not happy that I wouldn't comply with their wishes. The teachers would write me snide notes on Emma's papers. They would send me photocopies of some of her papers and would write on them what her score was compared to the average class score. They began to take it out on Cody by completely disregarding the documented discipline plan that we had laid out and making up all new consequences.
When I realized that the administration's bullying had turned from me to my children, I was done.
I made arrangements to meet privately with the public school district to get copies of the test results for Emma. I gave the results to the new school so that they would know best where to place her.
We broke the news to Cody and Emma on Sunday the 20th and on MLK day, I was able to take them to see the new school. They took it very well and claimed that they couldn't wait to make new friends.
Wednesday, January 23rd was their last day at the private school. It was heartbreaking to watch them say goodbye to their friends, but I was confident and excited to help them begin this new chapter in our lives.
**********************
Now you know our stories.
I apologize that this post is so long with very little payoff. I really felt like I needed to tell some of these details so that you would grasp the significance of some of the things I plan to talk about in future posts.
I underestimated how difficult it would be write all this, but it has been cathartic as well. I feel like this was the final step to help me get past all that has happened in the last half year and move forward.
Now that the nuts and bolts are out of the way, we can get down to business.
Thanks for sticking with me :)
No comments:
Post a Comment